Friday, April 27, 2012

Quality Time

Question for today is What is your Love Language?

If you don't know, go here and take the quiz.http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Did you read the Gary Chapman book when it came out in 1992? I never did, so I just now took the assessment to find my love language, and it's Quality Time.

I could have told you that. :) Well I guess I am. I love spending time with my husband, doing something, or not doing something, more than him giving me Gifts, more than him helping me (which I do appreciate also) more then his affirmation that I'm wonderful (which I am a fan of also). I just like being with him.  Sitting beside him on a long car trip. Browsing the mall with him by my side. Eating dinner out, just me and him.

He's a pretty cool guy, Earl. Plus he's my best friend. He knows me the way no one else does, and he still likes me. And I can be a crank,and he lets it slide, because he knows I'll be ok in a minute. I can explode all my frustration on him about things, and he always says something stupid to make me laugh and forget why I was frustrated. He knows me.

That's the best feeling in the world. Having someone truly know you, and Love you anyway.

That's the way God is, he knows us, knows every thought, the reason behind every thought, and loves us anyway. Have you spent quality time with God today? He wants that time too.

Be blessed on this beautiful April Day.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mommie Dearest

“Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble.” - Dennis Fakes


I was reading a blog written by a young mother who was with her three year old at JFK airport in New York and he was having a melt down, wouldn't listen, and so she spoke angrily to him in Hebrew thinking she was safe, that no one would understand her, until she met a friend of a friend at the baggage claim who asked if her son was ok now. It was a funny post. We have all had those Mommie Dearest moments when we briefly think of breaking out the coat hangers, even if we think we are going to be a mother who is reasonable at all times. A perfectly calm mother is a myth, or she's never had screaming toddlers in public. I remember several incidents from my kids childhoods. 
My kids were perfect angels, all the time and I was the perfect calm mother. That's how I choose to remember it. But that is not an accurate portrayal. One such incident took place in church, and of course it involved, me, no coffee, no breakfast and one rambunctious little boy named Justin. It was a Sunday morning, and it was a special service. A baptism, a baby dedication, and no children's church. We were running late as normal that Sunday, so I only had time for the kids to scarf down some breakfast, get them dressed and rushed out the door. Earl was ushering so it was me and the kids in the pew, and the service dragged on. Justin was about four, and not liking having to sit still, so he started poking his sister. I moved him on the other side of me, he started kicking his feet against the pew hard, loudly. I touched his leg, but he resisted, so I was pushing his legs down with one hand, and he thought it was a game, so he pushed harder til he kicked the seat in front of him. "Stop it Justin." I bit through my clenched teeth. He tried to slide out of the pew, by now I was sweating from the effort to keep him in the pew and quiet. The service was meandering on, mostly quiet as our Pastor spoke about the scriptures and what dedicating a baby meant.  Justin turned around in his pew and got on his knees and said hi to the people behind us. "Turn around Justin." He flopped back down in the pew, sighing, and then started head butting me in my arm. "Justin Lance." Still whispering furiously I tried to straighten him back up. I looked behind me trying to find his Dad, who was watching the service and not looking in my direction at all, probably on purpose. "That family, no I don't know them." Jamie tried to help, leaned over said to his brother, "You will get to see a baptism soon Justin. After the baby dedication. One day you will get baptised."  "I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE BAPTISED!" Loud, heads turning. I pulled him onto my lap and he brought his head back hard against my mouth, making me see stars. That was it I had enough. I got up, carrying him, tripping over peoples feet trying to make it out the door without making a bigger scene. No such luck, he made his body limp, almost sliding out of my arms, so I had to drag him, all the while he's screaming "DON'T HIT ME MOMMY, DON'T HIT ME!!! I DON'T WANT A WHIPPING!" I heard a few chuckles, and the pastor from the altar saying "I don't think someone is going to spare the rod today."

I made it out the door and into the women's restroom, where Justin finally stopped screaming. He knew he was in trouble now, but I was almost in tears. My lip was busted, and I was so angry I didn't want to spank him. I sat down on the toilet and put my head in my hands. "What's wrong Mommy?" He asked me. "I just want you to act right in church Justin. It's only for a little while." "It's boring. I want to go to children's church." "Sometimes we have to act right, even when we don't want to. That's what God would want." "God wants me to go to children's church." "There is no children's church this morning Justin!" "Then I want to go home."I looked at this little boy, who was such a cute thing, and I stopped being mad. He was bored. So I resorted to the age old remedy, bribery. "If you're good I will take you to Mcdonald's after church." His face lit up. "But only if you're good." He was thinking about it. He cocked his head at me. "How long do I have to be good?"

Justin didn't get Mcdonalds that day. And I learned a lesson, take him to the nursery and let him play when there was no children's church.

Guess which one is Justin. :)

A Futuristic Dream

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt
 

Do you enjoy my 30 day topics? As I write these out, are you thinking about the questions and how they pertains to your life? Have you started writing out your thoughts? If you are, drop me a comment. I would love to hear input.  Today's topic is:

Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years?

Five years, I will be 52 years old. That sounds ancient. I actually already think I sound ancient at 47. When did that happen? Where did my years go? I have the scars on my body, and the memories in my head, but sometimes I think I'm still that 16 year old, rebellious, and snotty. I remember thinking at 16 how old 30 sounded, then it came and went. Nevermind 40. But I'm getting off topic. In five years with  the way things are proceeding with Shelby, my youngest son Justin will probably be married, or getting married. That will be a tear filled day, a joyful, happy, but sad day. My baby married. Hopefully Justin will have a good teaching job, James and Gifty will have started their church, and Jenna and Ben will be in a lot less pain than they are in now. Ben will have started his Evangelist Ministry and Jenna will have her degree in Children's counseling, and hopefully be working with her calling.  And I'm hoping a grandbaby or two will be spending their weekends with MawMaw and Pappy.

In ten years Earl and I will be 57. I hope we are looking for vacation homes in Florida. That Earl has his dream job as a Manager, and is satisfied with his work.  And that our house is full of grandchildren, laughing and being loved on.

In fifteen years we will be 62. Ugh. Hoping to be on the edge of retirement, spending winters in Florida, taking our kids and grandkids with us. I think eleven grandchildren, because the total then would be 12 (precious David) and twelve is a good number. :)  I hope my children are happy and fulfilling their life dreams, and their callings, and that I am trusting the Lord and feeling as blessed as I do now.

And I hope our country is out of debt, that we are on the right track again, with prayer back in schools and God is the God of our country like he was meant to be all along. 


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Remembering

Today's topic, "Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood."

1. My brother was a boy, typical, destructive. He liked to take things apart, and most of those things were my toys. I had this doll, my Grandmother had found in her shop- a thrift store. It was old, with a hard body, and glass eyes that rolled. It was my favorite. I carried her around with me all the time, so I'm not even sure how he got a hold of it, but he pushed her eyes in until they were crossed, and nothing we could do would fix it. I remember crying for a very long time. I'm sure he said he was sorry, I'm sure he tried to fix it. I just don't remember that, I remember crying over my doll.

2.  We were about 8, we came home from school and two bicycles were sitting in the front yard. They looked big, they were shiny. Mom said Dad had dropped them off during his break from work. They were for me and Keith. My brother hopped on and off he went. I hopped on and sat. My neighbors and my brother kept saying "Come on Diane. We will teach you to ride." So they tried, and I fell off. I tried again and scraped my knees and my elbows. I walked the bike home and parked it. I went to my room and refused to come out. My knees and elbows hurt. I was playing with my barbies when my Dad got home. I remember him kneeling down beside me, "Do you like your bike Diane?" "Nope." I declared. He picked up a barbie doll and walked it across the floor all the while talking to me about how I could learn to ride, it wouldn't be hard, that he was right there, wouldn't let me fall. It took him a while, but finally I remember I sighed. "Want to try again baby girl?" I looked at my Dad, who I trusted, and was a lot bigger than my friends and my brother. "You won't let me fall?" He smiled, he had me worn down. "I promise." He said. So I nodded and my Dad taught me to ride my bike. He never let me fall, ever.

3. You know how in elementary school there is that one girl who you just want to be friends with more than anything? The popular girl, she's either pretty, or smart or wore the nicest clothes? Well in my school it was Heidi. She had big blue eyes, and the straightest hair that was shiny. My hair was so thick it was always a mess. Even when Mom put my hair in braids, by the end of the day it had crawled out of the braids and swirled around my face. I was unkempt. :) I envied Heidi her hair, and her pretty non wrinkled clothes. I had nice clothes, just wrinkled because I was never still, or dirty because I was sliding across the gravel on the play ground playing ball with the boys.  Heidi had two very close friends, and at recess they walked around the playground, but never played. Every once in a while they allowed me on the fringe of their group, so I considered her my friend. They all three had pierced ears. I wanted pierced ears. Mom and Dad had told me that by the end of sixth grade if I had straight A's they would allow it. So I begged them to let me get it done the weekend before the end of school so I could show my friends. And they did. I went to school on Monday with my hair pulled up. I remember the crisp air that morning as I stood beside Heidi's group on the playground and twisted my head back and forth, bringing my hand up to my ears constantly. I remember smiling because I was so thrilled to have earrings. I kept waiting for them to notice, to say something like oh how pretty, are those your birthstones? Finally one of the girls looked at me and said "What is wrong with you Diane?" Heidi snorted. "She wants you to notice her earrings. We know, you got your ears pierced! Whoopie!" and they laughed and went inside, leaving me standing there, feeling stupid.  I realized then that she wasn't my friend. I wanted to cry. But my neighbor Cindy, who was a year behind me in school found me that morning as I stood there, and put her arm around me. "I like your new earrings. Let's go climb the monkey bars." That was a true friend, compliment and distract.  I never talked to Heidi again. Of course we moved away that summer, I'm sure she really missed me. :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Forgiveness

Today's question is What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers


I had an idea of what my birth mother felt for me. In my head she didn't love me enough to keep me. Never mind that I was better off, that I had wonderful parents, in my mind growing up I despised her. I thought she was this awful person who tossed aside her child. At times I tried and blamed myself, what was it about me she didn't like? I was a little baby, did I cry too much? Was I ugly? Of course none of that was true. But it's a deep wound within when a parent gives you up.  I wanted to wound her, like she wounded me. I remember when my Grandmother died, she came to the funeral. I was grown by then, with a child of my own, but I was still not mature enough not to hurt. I ignored her completely. I remember at the graveside, I said MOM to my mother many times, very loudly so she would hear I was calling someone else Mom, my Mom, who loved me. Wilma didn't try to speak to me that day. She talked to my brother, and I of course took affront to that. Why didn't she speak to me? I complained about that many times until my Mom finally said to me, "Diane, you didn't give her a chance. You made sure she understood you weren't available to speak to. You turned up your nose and you turned away." Oh wow. I had done that.

A few years ago, she wrote me a letter. Explaining so many things. Would I have done the same thing? Five children under six, no support, a drunk husband? Maybe, maybe not. But I am not Wilma, I never walked in her shoes, I never had to make those decisions. Who am I to judge someone else? Who was I to say she was wrong? It hit me very clearly then, she did what she did, because she loved me. She didn't feel equipped to make a good life for us, when she could barely make a life for herself. My sister told me that on December 5th, my birthday, every year she would shut herself up in her room and cry all day. She missed so much, but sometimes you just have to do, what you have to do. Who I was to withhold forgiveness from her? Did I really want to be that person? No I didn't. One day I may have to be forgiven. And God forgave me. It's like the story in the bible of the man who's tremendous debt was forgiven him, but he decided not to forgive someone who owed him. He was punished severely. By not forgiving my birth mother, I was punishing myself.

She came to my daughter's rehearsal dinner. She hugged me, and every mean thought I ever had melted away in the face of that hug. She held me in her arms, like I'm sure she wished she could have many times. and I wasn't stiff. I hugged her back.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

SuperPower

Today's question is "If you could have one superpower what would it be, and what would you to with it first?"

Fly. I would fly everywhere. Then I wouldn't have to drive. :)



The powers of suckerdom got me yesterday and I got another puppy, for Bella and for Earl. Before I even picked her up I was thinking, oh my what have I done? I don't have enough to do, right? Take care of Mom, and now two dogs? 

But Bella is enjoying her,and so is Earl. And I think she's really cute, except when she was whining last night, and a mess had to be cleaned up in the morning, but I will survive it, and it will be ok. Right? Yeah right. :)



My Bella is the sweetest and Molly will grow to love her like everyone else does. :)


Saturday, April 21, 2012

Accomplished

The question for today is "What are you five greatest accomplishments?"

1. Graduating. I was the first and only one to graduate High School in my immediate family. My parents were so proud of me. I almost didn't, not because I wasn't good at school, I was, but I had a very cavelier attitude towards it. And we moved so much, and I changed schools so much I was tired of it. But I did, and I was very glad to walk up on the podium and get my diploma. After that I was done, though. :)

2. Raising my kids to be decent, contributing people. They are each special and wonderful, and I have more compliments on my kids than on anything I've ever been complimented on. They each make me proud to be their mother, but of course I didn't do it by myself.

3. Picking the right man. We were young, but we made it work. Twenty-nine years ago I met my husband. I loved him almost immediately. He is a good man, a hard working man, and a very caring man. Of course my example was my Dad. I always had to bring my dates home first, and Mom said as soon as I left with a guy, he'd shake his head and say "boy can she pick them." Until I brought home Earl, he asked him to stay for dinner, that was my cue. My Dad finally approved.

4. I've been through some hell, but I'm still standing. Earl's heart attack, My Dad's death, my Mom's stroke, and then losing sweet David. Go ahead, come at me. God's got my back.

5. My final accomplishment, not quite there yet, is to make an impact on the world with my writing. I know that is my love, and one day soon my career. I'm going to be a writer. :)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sun beautiful Sun

Question of the day: If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

The Olive Garden. So they could feed me my favorite food all the time.

I think we would live in Florida, on the Gulf coast, close to the white sandy beaches. Because it's warm and beautiful. I've been all over Florida, my Dad loved florida so most of our vacations were there. I didn't fully appreciate Florida until I got old though, because I hate winter. Two years ago after our whirlwind of weddings, Earl and I with Justin, and Earl's brothers and their wives, and his sister and her husband, and a few nephews and nieces went to Anna Maria Island for vacation. It was the most relaxing vacation ever. We had a villa, with our own pool, and it was a block from the beach. Get up eat, swim in the pool, go to the beach, back to the pool, eat, beach, eat, go out for ice cream. For an entire week. It was dreamy. So much so that our niece and her husband moved there later that year. They love it. We are going back this summer. To the same Villa, and bringing some more family with us. I am looking forward to it, a lot!




                                Heaven On Earth

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Being Awesome

It's a beautiful day today in Southern Indiana. Sunny and warm. And the question for the day is: What is the one thing you most wish you were great at?

I'm good at so many things. But great?  I wish I was great at cooking. I can cook. But I'm not one of those cooks who can just whip up anything at the spur of the moment. I have to plan, and gather, and read my recipe cards. My grandma could cook anything without a thought, or a recipe and it would be delicious, I have so many trial and errors I usually just say, ugh I'm not cooking that anymore. My Mom was a great cook too. Yes, I wish I was great at cooking, or that I had a cook, and a maid. That would probably be best.

Happy Beautiful day!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Love is in the Air

I started this blog to record the weddings that took place in 2010. I have finally finished the weddings part of my journal (well one day I'll record Justin's but I'm still hoping that might be a ways down the road). I wrote this poem for Jenna in 2010. I hope she enjoys it.

If you're caught off guard with this post- go back to 2010 and read the befores.  Happy reading.  Diane

Her name though changed
will forever be the same in my heart with one added
Though she leaves the nest and finds her own place to rest
She'll forever be welcomed here
For she is so dear to me

My daughter my friend
May your life truly begin
As you take his hand in your own
Never lose sight of who you are
But give room to his heart
And watch this love blossom and grow

I'll miss you my girl with your blonde little curls
though you are grown and the hair is darker
and your life will truly be changed
  Always know I'll  never be too far away in your world
Love MOM (diane rowland 2010)


The Ceremony was about to start and I only had a very small part to play in it. I was glad of that- I wanted to be the spectator that day and watch it all unfold.   I had been emotional the entire week and still tears threatened but somehow I did hold it together as I walked up with Ben's mother to pour the sand and then took my seat.








 Then the parade of pretty bridesmaids began.



Our Son Jamie asked everyone to rise and our daughter and her father walked down the aisle and tears began for many people. I am biased of course, but never has there been such a beautiful bride.  Her smile was wide and her groom awaited her. She only had eyes for him I think, though all eyes were on her that day.  She almost tripped on her gown walking up the altar steps, but she recovered quickly.




The rest of the ceremony was beautiful, they spoke their own vows which always gets me and they gave roses to the mothers and grandmothers which was some of the most heart warming moments of the ceremony.

A final prayer, Jamie told Ben he could kiss his baby sister.




Then Jamie pronounced them Mr and Midget...a big laugh, a quick recovery, Mr and Mrs. Benjamin Jury and my daughter was no longer my own.




Then it was off to the Reception.




The rest of the day is almost a blur to me. We had a fun reception, with toasts and food and lots of dancing.


First Dance

The dance with her father.


The dance with his mother.

And More fun stuff.






Little Flowergirl Kaycee dancing



 A storm came in strong that night and people started leaving by 10:30. By 11:00 pm Earl and I had the decorations back to the lady we borrowed them from and home to rest. I remember laying there in bed thinking how beautiful the day was, and how glad I was that it was over and maybe just maybe I could relax some.


Philadelphia Freedom

I got a break last week. We went to see our son and daughter in law who live in Philadelphia. I've been there before. It's a neat city. Diverse, which is why Jamie likes it so much. He's always love cultured, and different culture especially. We tried Indian food, (Gifty's aunt and uncle) and food from Africa( his pastor and family are from Ghana) and of course the Cheesecake Factory. I feel like I gained twenty pounds, even though we walked and walked. We visited Washington DC. My husband ran up the Philadelphia Museum of Art's steps like Rocky did, (remember I told you he is a Rocky fan) but the best part was just being with the kids. We hadn't seen Jamie and Gifty since Christmas, and that was a hard visit because of losing David. But this was a good visit. I got to hear my son preach the Easter sermon. He is an amazing preacher. I spend hours with my daughter in law, and learned how funny she really is.   I'm very glad both our children have married people with senses of humor. Life is better with laughter. I got to hear my daughter in law sing, beautiful voice. And Earl and I got to be together without interuption. Wonderful carefree memories. I am a firm believer in vacations. Time to unwind and just live differently. It's refreshing. It's needed. Life is good.

I love you kiddos

Friday, April 13, 2012

Strength

STRENGTH - A river cuts through rock, not because of it's power, but it's persistence.  Jim Watkins

Describe 5 strengths you have.

1. I don't back down. I keep plugging on. I remember growing up with a Mother who everyone came to with their problems. If someone needed help they came to Mom. I am like that too. I will try and help. I will do what needs to be done. I have never liked driving, I never ever drove on the interstate, but when Earl had his heart attack and had to be taken to Christ Hosptial, I had no choice. I voiced my  hesitation to my Mother. She said, "You have to do it, so just do it."  When Mom got sick, and everyone was saying she should stay in the nursing home, I thought, NO. A lot of people told me it would be too hard to take care of her at home, I would not be able to do it. I couldn't leave her at the nursing home, so I thought of her words, "You have to do it, so just do it." And I did.

2. My Love for my husband. I was reading an article about the suggestions for Success and the first one was "Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery." That is so true. He makes me strong. He is my backbone. My rock. We have been through whatever life has thrown us and we have survived.  Justin just interviewed us last night for a class he has, asking us each what was the one thing that you need to have a long successful marriage. We both said Trust.

3.   If you are my friend, I'm loyal. I won't talk about you behind your back. I cherish my friends.

4. I'll make you laugh, some how. When tensions are high, we are a jokester family. Laughter helps heal hurt, worry and depression. Life is better with laughter.

5.  I can lift 135 pounds. No problem. :)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Weakness

Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth, it's always been a sign that you're alive.

Today's subject. Describe 5 weaknesses that you have.

1. My kids hurting. I can be tough when I need to be. In fact most of the times I have a hard outer shell, I'm mouthy and not afraid. But when my family hurts, I feel like the weakest person alive. I can't stop it. Not like when they were little and a kiss on the boo boo and a bright bandaid cheered them up. When my daughter cries because we lost her precious baby, I feel myself melting down into a hysterical puddle of tears. I hug her, kiss her head, tell her it's going to be ok, but as the tears continue I find myself becoming just angry that she has to hurt. I know it's unrealistic to expect your child to never feel pain, but oh if only we could take the pain for them, we would.

2. Anything my husband desires. I can't tell him no. Even if it puts us in debt. He works so hard, has worked so hard our entire married life that I think if he wants it, he can have it if it's possible. That's why him, our children and our dog are the most spoiled beings on the planet.

3. Moose Tracks Ice Cream. Do not bring it in my house, because if it's there, yeah I'm eating it.

4. My Bella's big brown eyes. Even if she's just torn up my new pillow, when she looks at me with those eyes I can't stay mad.

5. Purses and Shoes. I have too many and I keep buying more.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Flying High

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

An Eagle. Because they can fly, and they are big, and majestic and beautiful and a symbol of freedom.

Or an Elephant because they can bulldoze their way through anything, but I wouldn't want to be in the circus,(I mean seriously have you read Water for Elephants?) I'd be in Africa free.

Or a kitten so I could sleep all day, and not be bothered.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Typical

Describe a typical day in your current life...

I get up usually around 7 or 8. (Depending on if I have slept much the night before.) I peek in on Mom. And then Coffeee...one cup, and then another. I check my facebook while I'm drinking my coffee. Of course I do. Facebook is too addicting. I then try and pray and or read some in my Bible.   At 9:30 I give Mom her first medicines. She is normally still asleep. At 10:00 I feed her and give her more medicine. If she is  awake, I get her cleaned up. If not I wait til about 10:30 then I get her changed and if she wants up,I get her up. She usually does not want up, it's hard for me to force her to get up when she does't want to. She pouts. She sits up in her chair and sighs. But some days she is ok. But she never wants to sit up more than an hour or two. She then wants her game shows on. At 11:00 Earl comes home for lunch,every day I spend a half an hour with him. I look forward to that half hour every day. I miss him when he doesn't get to come home. After that I try to do housework, laundry, read, or play on the computer for a while. At two is Mom's second feeding of the day. I change her and I spend time with her if she isn't napping, watch a game show with her or a movie.Or I nap. (this is why I never sleep at night)  Around 4:30 Earl is usually home, we decide if I'm cooking or we are getting subway. We usually get subway one night a week. At six is Mom's third feeding of the day. Clean up supper, watch my TV shows at eight, and at ten is Mom's final feeding of the day, and I get her ready for bed. And then I try to find sleep for the night. It's never earlier than 11:30 sometimes as late as 2. It depends, but I finally sleep. Then the day starts again. There are variations of course, if we have doctor appointments or Justin's home, or Jenna gets to come over with little Ki. But that's my typical day.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Pet Peeves

 Day ten of my 30 days is "Name ten pet peeves you have." Boy 20 more days of my voice. Can you handle it? My Pet Peeves....hmmmm.

Well I've tried not to let things bother me as much but let's see if I can come up with ten.

1. Rude salespeople. This is my biggest one. I know sales is hard, I know that the customer is always right is not easy, but please I'm spending my money in your store, be nice. Or quit your job. Should I tell you this? I got someone fired once at Kroger. He was a teenage boy, who was not nice to me. Called me a B****. Yes I know, Me a B**** not even possible...well ok. Maybe. So I called the manager over, I threw a fit and out he went. Did I feel bad? Nope. I didn't. He was rude and not helpful. He didn't want his job, didn't appreciate his job, and I never saw him again. I doubt I was the last woman he called a  B.

2. Eye Rolls...Don't look at me and roll your eyes while I am speaking. What I have to say is very important. Don't blow me off like that. I haven't had to deal with this so much since my children are grown, but never did my hand itch so much to slap a face as when one of my kids rolled their eyes at me.

3. Snow coming straight at me. I hate driving period. I hate driving in the snow worse. What can I do about it? Nothing, so I don't drive when it's snowing.

4. The View. I cannot stand that show. I wish they would take it off the air. Enough said.

5. Mosquito bites. Seriously? You can't sit outside without getting bitten? What is up with that?and the itching lasts for days? Why Lord why?

6. People who cut in line, unless it's me. That doesn't bother me so much. ;)

7.  Popcorn kernals in your teeth. Why can't they just slide down your throat like other foods?

8.  Fleas on my dog. Fortunately this only happened once. Thank you Lord.

9.  Rain. Yuck. I know we need rain. but still...yuck.

10. Mud on my shoes. I don't like dirt, I especially don't like it tracked into my house. Why Lord Why?

OK that wasn't so hard. I guess I'm not as evolved as I thought I was.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

David My Sweet


The Soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind. Caroline Myss

Our family is walking in the March of Dimes in my city this year, on May 6th. We've been working on the t-shirts for a while. For the past week, my nephew has been showing me his designs, and I've been working with my T-shirt guy. They are done now. Just waiting for them to get printed up.

For the Front of the T-shirt


For the back of the T-shirt.


I placed the order this morning.

Then I broke down. It's been a little while since I cried. I have been focusing on not being sad, not crying, not letting it get to me.

But then my cousin's grandbaby was born last week, and she's having trouble. Not enough platelets in her blood. She's still in the hospital, not sure when she will get to come home, and I relived it all again.

I bawled, am crying while I write this. Feel the hurt creep over me, and want to scream.  Why is life so unfair? Why don't we have that baby in our arms right now? Why can't he go on this walk with us and be the miracle that he was? Why isn't little David, my sweet getting spoiled right now?

Why do I have to go to the graveyard to see my grandchild?

When will it ease? When can I be happy again and mean it?

Why can't I be as angry as I want to be?

I don't know. If anyone knows, please tell me.

I'll be ok. Just having a moment.

Please say a prayer for me today.

I need it.

Embarrassing

She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there is a crazy underground garage.( Me at sixteen)

Question for today- Describe your most embarrassing moment.

There have been a few, mostly when I was a teenager.  I try not to embarrass myself too much as an adult. But then again I'm not easily embarrassed. I'm loud. Now if you asked my kids if I have ever embarrassed them, they will say, umm...yeah. But hey that's what parents are for right?

I guess it would be when I was about sixteen, I was an idiot. I was seeing this dumb boy, who was cheating on me, but had very valid (stupid) excuses that I believed. ( my niece told me once that a person's brain is not fully developed until they are twenty-five years old, I believe it.)So therefore I was going to kick this girls butt. I found her at the dairy barn. Sitting there. I kept screaming at her, get up I'm going to kick your butt, but she wouldn't move, so brilliant me decides to knock over her pop, it spills all over the floor. It's summer, I have flip flops on. Guess whose butt gott kicked, well flopped on. I land right on it, right on the floor. I give the girl credit, she didn't crack a smile, she just looked away, but I'm sure she was thinking, hahahaha. I get up, grab my shoes, say "I'm gonna get you eventually." I was a terrible teenager, I can't even believe as I'm writing this, that this was me. But it was, so I slunk out of the dairy barn, and I never did get her. Thank Goodness I never got the boy either.

Monday, April 2, 2012

5 Passions

The question for today is What are five passions you have?

Can you say Doritos?

No but seriously,

1. Family- I'm passionate about my family. My immediate family and my extended family. I am fascinated with what God has given me. I feel like the most blessed person in the world. I have lived an interesting life, and what makes it interesting is the people that are in it. Each so different, but essential. They expand my thoughts. My son James is a contradiction in terms. He is conservative, he is a preacher, a moral compass for me, yet not conservative, he also has a liberal political view which I find exasperating and compelling at the same time. Like I said, contradiction. My niece also has a liberal view and I find it interesting that these two can be raised by such staunch republicans and have such different views. In a way that is a huge compliment to their parents (of which I am one) because we taught them that they can think any way they want, even if it's not the way we think. I am passionate about these people, my family. They are made up of such talent. Every day I'm blown away with their skills.

2. God. He is Love. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us. That is the truest form of Love.  Love is passsion. Exactly.

3. Writing- it is a passion. I think any artistic form of expression is passion. It comes from the very heart of people. Writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, acting. Those are our joy.

4. I'm passionate about enjoying my life. So many things have happened to show me that we are not promised tomorrow. Life is not a guarantee. It may end tomorrow, or you may lose someone today. Don't let the little things get to you. Don't allow yourself to become angry with someone or frustrated and never ever let your loved one leave you without a hug, a kiss, or a word of encouragement. I have family that are not speaking to one another, and it breaks my heart. Is it really worth it? What happens if you never see that person again and you have spoken an evil or angry word to them? Thats your last memory, and you have to live with it.

5. The last thing is travel, I want to see the world, with my husband beside me. So many wonderful things out there to experience and enjoy. The peaceful serene atmosphere of the mountains. Foggy mountantops, green pine trees. Fresh air. A hot desert, prickly cactus. Majestic Cathedrals.  And don't even get me started on the ocean. Is there anything more beautiful in nature than the crashing waves of the ocean on a white sandy beach, with the sun shining? Maybe a sunset over the water. Maybe...with my family beside me, it doesn't get any better than that.