Wedding Daze

"I'm getting married today!" Jenna Elizabeth Rowland June 12, 2010

 I woke up before five that morning, and lay there exhausted.  I thought about the day before, going to the reception hall, getting it decorated. Two of my sister in laws, my friends, Jenna's mother in law, we knocked it out in no time, and the lady helping us at the restaurant was terrific.  It was beautiful, I couldn't wait to see it with the candles lit.

The rehearsal had went great, my aunt and uncle from North Carolina had made it with their grandson, our son Jamie and his bride Gifty were home.  They were all asleep in the house, plus two of my nieces and Jenna were piled into one bedroom downstairs. We had sat up late last night, me Jenna Gifty on the bed, my nieces on the floor on a mattress and talked. I hugged on my daughter and kissed her head fifty times. Last night in the house as my little girl. It was a treasured time, can't really remember what we chatted about, probably the wedding and my future grandchildren, but I remember the feeling of family, of loving these people so much.

I kissed my husband and he stirred but didn't wake.  I tiptoed out of the room and went into the kitchen to put on some coffee.  I wasn't going to get anymore sleep.  I saw our youngest son sprawled out on the couch in the upstairs living room and thought don't get married for a long time justin! And then I text my sister.

They had arrived late, just getting to the rehearsal dinner.  They had wanted to be there earlier so the first time I saw Wilma we would have some privacy but it didn't work out that way. My worry evaporated when I saw her and she hugged me.  It felt right, it felt good, here was another person to love. I cried just a little but we were off a bit away from everyone and we whispered a few words and I promised myself we would find some time this weekend to talk some. 

That morning I typed "Are you awake?"  to my sister who was staying with her mom and her husband, Gene in a hotel a mile away. A few minutes later answering text "Yes".  I asked her if she wanted to go get some coffee, maybe breakfast at mcdonalds and told her I would pick her up in a few minutes.

That private time that morning with Vicki, before anyone stirred and the bustle of the day got ahead of us, that time just spent talking with my sister as we ate and drank coffee in a nearly deserted Mcdonalds, that hour just laughing and enjoying each other, that is one of my Many favorite memories of the day.  It felt like a secret, everyone else asleep, the sky still dark. Sister time before it became about Mother and Daughter time, and of course Husband, Father, Family time!

It was pouring down the rain. Vicki and I went to Krogers before I dropped her off so  could find some sparking grape juice for the wedding reception for the Bride and Groom, and then I headed home to wake everyone up.

Jenna, my nieces, Jenna's bridesmaids and I had hair appointments for eight that morning. Jenna couldn't find her garter so I took the girls and dropped them off at the beauty shop which was thankfully right by the church and headed to walmart which of course did not have a garter one.  I called my sister in law Susie and she called and found me one at the Hallmark Shop and then I called Earl who went and got it.  It was still pouring rain.  I got back to my appointment and was rushing in and forgot to turn off my car engine.  Angie peaked out a few minutes later and told me my car was still running. 

"Rain on your weddng day is good luck." The hair stylist was telling Jenna as she looked at me and I shrugged. "How's that?" She asked, thinking of her hair and her dress I'm sure. "Well back in the old days in Indian Culture they tied a rope together to symbol the joining of two souls and if it was raining, it wet the rope and made the knot tighter, harder to break. So Rain meant luck." We didn't know if that was true, but it sounded good, and Angie kept saying it's going to stop, watch and see, it's going to stop.



And miracles of miracles it did stop.  Our God is an awesome God. It stopped before we had to go out with our heads done up and we made it to the church without a speck of rain on us.  Angie brought us donuts and then food for lunch.  Our friend Janice got there early to start the make up and we spent the remaining few hours before the wedding getting prettied up and giggling like school children.  I was nervous and my niece Kaycee who was the flower girl was hyper but it was all good.

 I was ever so glad to see Earl when he got there early though.

Just his presence calms me - so a quick hug and kiss and I'm feeling pretty good.

And then my sister got there and I was feeling so blessed to have her there with us on that special day.

So it was almost time. Jenna was ready- Ben was peeking out the pastor study door-with a big smile ready to go...

Time to get this show on the road!

October 30

I'm still here friends- I have not had a lot of time and get so sidetracked lately! November will soon be here- hard to believe- the holidays will be upon us! Will try and write more this week- I am getting ready to tell you about Jenna's wedding! Mom has been having multiple trips to doctor office to get her meds correct, hoping this all goes well. She is feeling fine- just a little sad lately- I think some of it has to do with the Month of October and it being the anniversary of my Father's death and they have changed her thyroid medicine which someone said could mess with your hormones- anyway have a meeting with doctor this week so praying that gets fixed! Talk soon I promise! :)

Reversal

I peeked in on Mom this morning, and she was bundled up sleeping peacefully. I have two blankets on the bed, but she had kicked one off her feet so I covered her up, and touched her hair. I wondered how many times she had crept into my room in the mornings and covered me back up?  It is different for me to be the caretaker when she was the one who had taken care of me for so long.  How many times had she washed my face, my hands, my feet. Rubbed lotion on me and given me medicine? How many times did she feed me, cuddle me, kiss my head? Put drops in my eyes, cut my nails?

When you are thinking about having to do these things, before it becomes a necessity, you think that would be too hard, I don't think I could do it. But then you just do it. Without really thinking. It's something I learned from Mom.   She would say, "You have no choice, just do it Diane." So I did, and I thank God she taught me to be strong, to handle the pressures and worries without letting them bog me down. "Don't worry about what other people think, their opinions don't matter. Do your best. Serve God. Do the right thing."  Her words echo in my head at night when I'm wondering if I'm doing the best thing for her.  I know I can't be responsible for her happiness, but I can make sure she feels loved.  And that's all  I'm really trying for.

Interim

After getting home from Jamie's wedding we only had three weeks until our daughters, which was at our home church and reception in our town, lots of out of town guest and plans to be made.  And Earl had to have gall bladder surgery in between there. The week before Jenna's wedding he had the surgery which thankfully went well and was out patient. Mom was also still in the nursing home, the doctor was wanting her to stay for more rehab, and since it was a crazy month I agreed though I didn't like it much, and neither did she.

Jenna and Ben were starting to get a little nervous.  They had been wanting the date to rush up on them and suddenly it was here. We had few things left to do, so I was relieved about that. We had such wonderful friends that had helped, Angie and Kayla with the bridal shower earlier in the month that had gotten things kicked off well and really got Jenna in the mood!

And of course we had cake from a wonderful Local baker who also did Jenna's wedding cake

So now the countdown began, five days, three days and then suddenly it was the thursday before and we were at the church decorating. Ben's family had made it in from Missouri and were helping also. Our friends Angie, Kayla, Faye.  Faye was doing the ribbons and bows and I had made some cones for the pews that were not hanging straight. 

Jenna calls that night, the decorating night, my nervous break down.  She's probably right, it kind of seems a blur to me now that I think on it, I was very frustrated with the hanging cones. Ha Ha

But the night ended and we had the reception hall to decorate the next day and the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to look forward to.  And as I tried to sleep that night I thought my daughter will only be here two more nights.  I won't be getting her up in the mornings any more because she's such a sleepy head.  I won't be walking in and looking at her beautiful face anymore every day.  It was an exciting time for her, and for us, but I couldn't help but remember that quiet little girl who hid behind my legs, and held on to me for dear life.  I was missing her, and wishing we could go back in time and I could kiss her pretty face once more or curl her hair up, but I couldn't, she was now a lovely grown woman....

and she could curl her own hair now :)

Soon she would be

the Bride.

Beautiful, Beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain    
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

 I wanted to take a moment this morning and thank my Lord and Savior for his many blessings and love through all my life and for making my life so beautiful.  There is nothing that I have accomplished without his hand upon me. I have nothing without him, and everything with him.

 

It's a crisp fall day today bringing back memories of falling leaves, gathering them up and piling them  up so the kids could run and jump in them. Remembering their laughter and the joy on their faces as they destroyed the perfect piles we had painstakingly made.  Remembering them throwing the leaves at each other, Justin especially took great pleasure in throwing the leaves at his brother and sister. He couldn't hurt them but he could throw them as hard as he could.  And Jenna with her little blonde curls throwing them up and lowering her head so they fell upon her and she would twirl and twirl.  And Jamie trying to make something of them,  fort, a hideaway, a castle and his imagination running away and suddenly he was a jedi, a knight or a cowboy, and Justin and Jenna were drawn into his story and they would play for hours until the leaves were spread all over the yard again and as they went in for their baths,  their Dad would rake them up again and pile them in perfect piles so the next day they could do it all again if it didn't rain.   I would make sure Earl had chili to eat and give him a hug and thank God for this beautiful fall and my beautiful family.

Wilma

After Vicki found me and we started talking, I had questions, so her Mother (my birth mother) wrote me a letter. I had got used to calling Wilma and Joe my birth parents in my head. Meaning they gave birth to me- they concieved me- they brought me into the world but that is really all I could fathom.  I had fewer memories of Wilma than I did of Vicki and Joe, who though he was around more never stood out to me as anything more than what he was, my uncle, who I did not particularly like.   He and Wilma had divorced not long after I was born, and she had moved up to Michigan with my sister and brothers. Joe was living with my grandma, so I know he was there at christmases, other holidays but I don't remember him even speaking to me directly or even acting like I was more to him than his sister's child. Mostly I remember he was often drunk. I found out later he didn't want to sign the adoption papers but My Dad took him in a room by himself and when they came out the papers were signed.  I asked Dad later as an adult what he said to make him sign, he said you don't want to know. So I never asked again. Joe died when I was 8, I remember the funeral, and Wilma and the other kids there. I remember her hugging me and whispering my baby in my ear. But I didn't really realize what she meant, and I remember my Mom being sad. I remember my brother Joey calling out as he left "See you later alligator!" and me saying "Atta while crocodile!" And me finding that hilariously funny.  I was 8.

Mom never said much about Wilma, I once in a while would ask why she gave me up, but Mom would skirt around the question, just saying she had enough to deal with. It was the best thing, etc. etc.  I found out recently Wilma asked her what she would say when I asked about her, and Mom told her she just wouldn't say anything, and that she would never say anything bad.   And she didn't.  It made her uncomfortable when I would ask so again I just quit asking.  She would tell me that she did the right and good thing, and now I realize that she did. Being an adopted teenager, with all the angst of the teen years, and the feelings all kids have towards their parents would throw myself a little pity party everyone once in a while, or when I wanted my own way would throw the fact that they weren't my "REAL" parents in Mom and Dad's faces.   If I could go back now I would tape my mouth shut or cut out my tongue before those words came of out my mouth.  How I could have even thought for one second they weren't real parents is beyond me now as an adult. My niece has told me that your brain is not fully developed until you are twenty five years old.   I believe it- because anyone with a brain would never had uttered those words. 

And as a teenager I was angry with Wilma, for giving me up, for not loving me, for taking care of the others but not me, but mostly in my teenage head I thought she couldn't have loved me, at all.  I was the baby- I was the only other girl, how could she have not wanted me? I would pour over pictures of myself as a baby and think, was I ugly, was I a constant crier? Mom never said I was a bad baby, she said I was a pretty darn good baby.  Mom never told me she was an awful mother, or mean so it had to be me, I would think. There had to be something wrong with me.  I never shared that with Mom or Dad though.  They would have brushed me off, told me I was crazy, that I was loved and loveable, and absolutely nothing wrong with me, but as a teenager I wanted to hold onto that anger and hurt.  It took me a long time to let it go.  Probably about the time my first son was born. 

But now all these years later I had a letter in my hand, and an explanation.  My heart just broke. I didn't know anything about anything.  I didn't know that she married Joe when she was only 13, or that she was just 21 when I was born, the fifth one in six years.  I thought about that, and about my own children.  Jenna was two and a half when Justin was born, and I just about lost my mind with just having two babies to deal with.   I found out from my sister that she grew sad and cried all day on my birthday every year. That she truly TRULY wanted to me to have an easier childhood than she knew she could give me and that she loved my parents, trusted them with her daughter.  She never contacted me because she was afraid it would make it hard on me.  It might have, but I was an adult now.  She told me in the letter she would never try and replace my Mom, but she wanted to have a relationship with me if we could. She wanted to know me and my family.  I wanted that too, desperately, but I was   afraid.  This was early in 2009, and I wrote her a letter back, several but I never sent them.  I was afraid the letter didn't sound right, afraid I would sound angry, or silly.  I was nervous and worried about it.  It was different with Vicki, she was my sister, we could have a sister relationship, but what kind of relationship could I have with Wilma? Could we be friends? Plus always I was afraid of hurting my Mom, she was going through such a difficult time, how could I make it harder on her?

With the way things were going with Mom I did nothing. Until  Wilma got a facebook. We started talking a little bit on there. I felt more comfortable then on the phone, and then I talked to Jenna and we decided to invite her to the Wedding. I wanted to see her, I wanted to meet her, and I wanted to get to know this woman who gave birth to me.  I was very excited when she said she would come. Also very very nervous. But whatever, I was already nervous about everything, what was one more thing?

Florida Wedding

The night before at the rehearsal and dinner, things went pretty smoothly. My nerves were wrecked with worry over Mom but my friend Rachel (Jamie's pastor's wife- and his old youth pastors) took my hand before I walked out the door and said, "Your mom will be ok. I know she will. It will be ok."  So waking up the next morning to bright sunlight streaming through the windows I thought on her words and gave the day to God.  You have to take my worry today, Lord, I prayed, you have to take this away from me. He says to cast all your cares on him, so that's what I did, before I got out of bed, before I leaned over and woke up my husband, before I set my feet on the floor I gave it all to God.  Then the day took off running.

Gifty, Jenna and I had hair appointments early that morning at 9. Gifty was ready for it. She was all smiles and happiness. Jenna was sleepy but ready and off we went to leave the boys to get ready and we would meet them at the church later.  The girl who did our hair was sweet, there was another wedding that day, so we spent the morning watching them do up hair. We only had the one girl, and Gifty went first. Then decided she wanted pearls in her hair, so when the lady was done with Gifty and starting on Jenna, we went to a hair accessories store down the road and could not find pearl hair clips.  Gifty being the genious she is bought a pearl necklace and bobby pins, and I sat at the hair salon sliding little pearls onto the bobby pins and they put them in Gifty's hair. It look wonderful.

Gifty chatted all morning and kept saying "Guess what I'm getting married today!"  The little beauty girl had did a magnificent job on both girls hair, but when she came to mine I said, "I don't need curls just get it up off my neck." It was already a stifling day.  It proved difficult to get all my hair up, but she finally got it and we were ready to go.

One of our wedding traditions is the groom doesn't see the bride untl she is walking down the aisle, Gifty didn't quite understand that, she says can I at least talk to him on the phone, "No." I told her, but on the way back to the church she said she forgot to pack her bag, could we stop at the house.  Ok, but I made Jamie go out the front door while she took her time packing.  He was burning up outside in his suit, and I kept trying to rush her.  Gifty is not one to be rushed, her and Jamie are so alike in that aspect- you can't rush them because it makes them slower. :0)

Finally on our way to get the girls ready at church. Gifty's other bridesmaid arrived, a beautiful lady from Jamaica - Earl's sister Diana and her husband Tim arrived and started taking pictures, and Earl's brother Jim, wife Susie and Crystal, their daughter had arrived the night before after a long long delay and were at the church too.  Still I was surprised when I walked in and saw the church full. There were family and friends of Gifty - but mostly Jamie's church family was filling up the church quickly.   They loved him here, of course my son is very loveable, but he'd only been here five months so I was impressed and touched.  Gifty skyped her parents so they could see her in her wedding dress and was very emotional when she finally walked down the aisle to her waiting husband to be- who had his hankerchief dotting his eyes as soon as he saw her.  Which made us all cry.   In India they have worship before the vows and that is what we did, which was beautiful to do- worshipping God -bringing him into the marriage before it is even a done deal and doing that brought all emotions to forefront and honestly I don't know that I've ever cried so much during a wedding.

 Yes it was our eldest child's wedding, and the first to marry, and as they said their individual vows to one another their voices broke and my throat closed up, and I tried not to sob loudly. The sun was so bright outside, the church was decorated beautifully, Earl's brother and sister and families had made the long trip to be with their nephew on this special day, and Jamie's brother and sister stood up there with him.

  I was lucky to get any words out afterwards, words of gratitude and thanks for his Church Family, who provided a down home country meal afterward, and precious Terri who made two beautiful and delicious cakes for them.

As we walked from the church to the building next door for the reception Earl and I noticed that the tire was flat on our van.   Of couse! :)  After eating the delicious meal, toasting the new couple, and hearing the speeches we were planning on going to the beach for more pictures and unwind a bit.  Jamie and Gifty had a room reserved on the beach for the night, and Earl's family had rooms on the beach also.  So we sent everyone ahead of us, since it was so very hot, while Earl put the donut on the van (in his suit!)and we drove to walmart to get our tire fixed.

It was the first time all day I was alone with Earl. A moment to breathe, to smile and reflect on this day that I would cherish as one of the best days of my life.  We were talking when my cell phone rang, it was the newlyweds and my new daughter was on the phone. "Mom?" I said yes, what's up.  "Mom, I forgot to pack any clothes." Jamie had given us the keys to his house and they couldn't get back in their home. I burst out laughing. "Just what were you packing this morning." I asked thinking it had taken her forever while Jamie sweltered outside.  "Ummm...stuff for tonight." I told her I would get her some clothes at Wal-mart (lucky we were going there anyway!) and would meet them at the beach.

It didn't take long and we were there at the beach, pictures were taken, the newlyweds took off and we enjoyed the evening, watching the sun set and being in each others company. It had been a wonderful day, one I can't describe with adequate words. Later we went to dinner with our extended family at a seaside restaurant- with abundant crab legs, shrimp,  and   I ate a crab cake and some fries. The newlyweds joined us for a late night food fest, and then we took off to Jamie's house to leave bright and early the next morning.

As we were traveling home the next day, my mind went over the day again and again, and I thanked God for it, my worries about Mom were still there, we had another wedding in just three weeks but I was content and knew that God had a handle on all that too.  I needn't have worried, Oh How he loves us so!