Daddy

 He was a big man, not real tall- only around 5'11 but larger than life. The life of the party- the positive influence and my cheerleader. He was the superHERO in my life- my life preserver- my advisor. He thought I was the all that end all. His baby girl. In fact that's what he called me my whole life- Baby girl.  Him and Mom adopted me when I was 6. They had had me since I was a baby, 5 months old, but went through the courts and got papers signed so I was theirs before I entered school.  I then started calling him Daddy. I wasn't an easy teenager- I was rebellious and mean sometimes, and I often wondered later how they could just love me through it. But they did, him and Mom.  Dad took care of everything. When I was upset I called him, when I broke down in my car I called him, when a guy stranded me and Earl one night past midnight I called Dad. He was always there, always helping always the calm in the storm.  When my husband had a heart attack at 36 the first thing I did was call him "Daddy" I cried and he was on his way.  When he got sick in 2003 we were at a loss to what was wrong. He started losing his appetite and dropping weight. He went from 250 down to 140 in less than two years. Doctors and Hospitals couldn't tell us what was wrong. They did tests and examinations until he was weak and tired and finally a bone marrow revealed he had Amylodosis- a very rare but deadly disease- it was too late. The prognosis came too late and he was too tired. He was diagnosed in August 2005 and by October he could barely get out of bed. I took FMLA so I could be there- they had moved to my little town when he started getting sick, so they lived across the bridge from me and me and Mom took care of him. I remember those last weeks as he lay in his swing, his feet in my lap and told me he was ready to go, ready to meet Jesus.  We weren't ready to let him go. I told him no he could get stronger- He said "I love you baby girl. Take care of your Mom." I cut his fingernails and he told me how proud he was of me as a mother and wife and daughter. How much he loved his grand children. That last sunday I leaned down to kiss him goodnight and he said "I'm tired baby girl. It will be ok." But we still denied it, still hoped, still clung to his strength. But he didn't speak any more. For three days we stayed by his side praying  and he took his last breath on a wednesday and was gone. I was alone with him in the room, holding his hand when the life went out of him. I cried out for Mom but it was too late.  He had left us and I just sat there for a long while, holding on to his hand until the home care nurse came and asked me to let him go. My mom needed me. I heard someone say once "I don't know how to be in this world without my Dad" and I knew what that meant. Losing anyone is hard, but losing a parent, a child, a spouse is devestating to the point where you wonder how do you go on?  I walked around in a daze for so long, and Mom and I were both in such mourning we could barely comfort one another. Even now, almost 5 years later my heart hitches and tears gather when I talk about him. I miss him, but my Mom- she missed him even more.

Jenna

She was blond and curly headed. Quiet and a little shy. My sweet little middle child- only girl and spoiled rotten. She had (and still has) more clothes, more dolls, more jewelry and make up then one little girl ever needed. But we kept piling it on.  She was my buddy. I'd grab her and take off on saturday mornings- escape from the boys. We'd go to lunch, go shopping, go to the library and she would talk to me.  I listened through all her life, drama and boys, drama and those girls who were mean, drama and what she wanted to do with her life. Anyone who has had a girl knows there is Drama. Junior High is a mine field with life and death situations every day. I was so glad to see her go to High School- maybe then the drama would settle down! It did. She found her footing and her love for cheering and broke out of her shyness.  She had speech problems when she was small and that brought on her shyness around others but by the time she was in High School and had so many friends, and one friend who was pushed her to be outgoing,( and a mother who told her she could do anything- not to worry about what others thought) she tried out for Cheerleading and made it. She cheered the whole of high school and then one year in college. She loved it. She was great at it! And she still is the most beautiful cheerleader that high school ever saw! :)  But that wasn't her goal in life- it was something she liked but she had plans. She was going to meet and fall in love with a Prince and serve God with that Prince.  I want her to have some kind of career, I still pray and hope she gets a degree and I think she will eventually, but Jenna loved babies.  She started babysitting when she was eleven, She worked a day care, she became a nanny for one year before college and now that she is back home- she babysits again.  The career she wants has to do with children counseling. And one day soon she wants to be a mother.  Jenna went off to college with her brother in tow- they got an apartment and both started at Central Bible College in 2008.  The first few months were very hard for me- I missed her like crazy and knew it wouldn't be long before God brought someone special to her and I would be losing her in a different way.  That happened in February of 2009. She was getting ready to go on a missionary trip to Belize and called me and told me she met a boy who had to be the most handsomest man she had ever met and when she got back she was going on a date with him. Ok, I thought, no biggie.  But it turned out it was a biggie. She dated him for a few months and he went home for the summer and then she stayed in Springfield to work while her brother went to Florida. I only got to see her twice that summer, but both times her whole visit was talk about this man named Benjamin.  He was handsome, he loved God, he wanted to be a Pastor, he was so handsome, he was so nice. "I think I'm in love with him Mom." "Jenna don't rush it." but she would look at me like my head was on backwards. Don't rush it? She had been waiting her whole life to fall in love, and now I was saying don't rush it.  In late August 2009 Earl and I went out to springfield to see her and Jamie and to officially meet Benjamin. He was nervous, understandably. She would whisper to me "Isn't he wonderful? Isn't he handsome?" And I would nod and think yes but is this too soon?  As we were pac king our bags up to head home I carried a bag out and Earl and Ben were in a deep conversation by the van. "What was that?" I asked my husband. "He just asked if he could marry our daughter. I told him yes."  By the time we arrived home that night, Jenna called and said they were engaged. Whew. 2009 just call it whirlwind.

Jamie

(no names have been changed to protect the innocent:) Our first born. It was a warm day in June when I first met the black headed blue eyed baby that stole my heart and breath away.  Every child born afterward brought a special glow to my heart, but that first one, how do you even describe the feelings?  He smiled in his first picture.  A lopsided grin that said "Hey world I'm here. Prepare to be dazzled!"  And dazzled we were.  Laughing, happy, loving, excited. Jamie was always excited about life, everything was cool and neat. I have an entire video tape of his 5th year birthday where mostly what he did was jump around and sing "la la la la da da la la la".  He talked constantly (and still does), I got into the habit of tuning him out, and that aggravated him, "Mommy, Mommy, do you hear me Mommy? Ok Mommy? Ok?" He would tug at me, and stand directly in front of me.  He would lean on me when I was on the phone and ask me who I was talking to, what was I talking about. He liked to have our full attention. Just the other day on the phone he says, "Are you listening to me MOM? You seem distracted?"  You have to throw a comment in there every once in a while or he thinks you aren't listening.  Jamie was passionate too, about a lot of things, but mostly Passsionate about God. When he was 8 he got saved, baptised and announced to us that he was going to be a Preacher of God's word.   Wow! OK. But he never ever deviated from that. At age 12 he preached his first sermon and throughout his high school years- he preached and went to Nationals 3 times with his sermons, and applied to Central Bible College in Springfield Missouri and that was it. No other schools did he apply for.  His freshman year My Dad got sick and was sick for 2 years. His junior year (october) My Dad passed away (another time for that) and Jamie came home and preached the funeral. That was his 2nd Funeral to preach that year, in Feb he had preached his other Grandfathers.   So in January of his junior year he decided to take a break from school. He was worried about my Mom, his mamaw, who was alone for the first time in 51 years. She lived in the same town as I did, they had moved to be close to me when my Dad got sick.  Jamie comes home and moves in with her, got a job, and lived with her for almost 3 years.  Then in 2008 he and his sister go back to springfield to college so he can finish up and she can start, again at Central Bible College. Jamie thrived in school, he always loved to learn and was excited to be finishing his degree, Pastoral Studies. During his last stint in school he got to thinking about his future and a family. Until then he had been single minded about study and school. He rarely dated throughout high school and college. He wanted to be pure when he married and didn't want a lot of past baggage to deal with, so he kept his mind on school work and politics, another of his passions.  But in that last year of school he was talking to some girls and talking to some on the internet. What do you think of the internet dating? I admit I was leary, but I was explained to many times it's like a blind date, but you get to know them better (if they are truthful I would say.) Why wouldn't they be truthful, he would ask, my honest son who didn't fathom deciet in people.   I guess the first time he told me he was going to marry someone of different nationality was when he was fifteen. "Why?" I asked him. "I like different culture." He would say, "Would it be weird for you Mom if I married someone different?" "Jamie you know it will be hard to marry someone of a different race or culture." "Are you prejudice Mom? How would it be hard?" And I never had a suitable answer.  "
God loves everyone Mom, he loves me and he loves asian people, and mexican people, and hawaiin people and african people and everyone." And I had to admit yes he did.  So it never surprised me to learn that Jamie was talking to a girl that lived in India. But she was in India and it seemed like that was just another friend he had made, until May of 2009 and he went to Florida for his internship.   The relationship intensified and miracles started to happen.  "Gifty is coming to America." He told me one day on the phone. "She got a visa for school and starts school in August in Philadelpha, and I'm going to go meet her." They had been talking for several months at that point and I realized there was something different going on. There was light in his voice, happiness that otherwise wasn't there, and excitement again.  In October he flew from Springfield to meet her, and called me when he got home. "I'm going to ask her to marry me."  By this time my daughter was already engaged, and the thought of  another child marrying was sending me spinning. Everything was happening fast in my life in 2009. I said we want to meet her, and he brought her home for thanksgiving.

I had misgivings, I was concerned that this happened so fast, she was from India, we didn't know her family, lots of thoughts and worries crossed my mind, but two minutes after that beautiful girl walked into my home I fell in love with her too. Seeing them together, watching them make each other laugh, listening to her talk and seeing the same love she had for the Lord my son did calmed every fear I had. They were made for one another.  What an exciting year 2010 was going to be!

September 7, 2010

My niece started a blog which I enjoy reading so very much, and I thought might this be therapeutic for me also? I love to write and so many things have happened this year in my life that I need to write about it. Maybe I can examine what is going on with words? I'll tell you all about it in a nutshell and then elaborate later.  Starting last August- our daughter became engaged,our oldest son then became engaged in November. Early December my mother had a massive stroke, after three months in a nursing home we moved her into our Home with us in March-Bridal showers came and went, our son decided to get married early- so May 22nd he was married and three weeks later our Daughter- on June 12, was married. Whew- what a whirlwind. The summer has been spent taking a much needed vacation to Florida, taking care of my mother, meeting and seeing my Birth Mom for the first time in 22 years, and becoming close to my sister again- whom I also hadn't seen in 22 years.  And then our youngest son went off again for his second year in college- 8 hours away. Lots of lots of things :) Plenty of emotions and tears over the past 8-10 months. Maybe you will enjoy hearing about my crazy life- maybe you will stop reading after the first sentence- But anyway ....Here I go!