The Great Stuff

I was watching a movie the other night called Sarah's Choice. It was a good message, not a great movie, the acting was not real great but one conversation stood out to me. A young man was asking his uncle about marriage, was it hard, was it worth it? The uncle said, " yes it's hard, it can be good, it can be awful at first, but too many people give up before they get to the great." The great stuff, he said, is what makes marriage worthwhile.

I'm at the great stuff. I almost gave up. We split up once, for about three days. I didn't want to move from Ohio, away from my family. I was young and just spent two years in Germany. I did not want to move to a little town that had nothing, if you think our little town is bad now, try twenty three years ago when there really was only one stoplight, now I think we have four.

I was being stubborn, I was being demanding, and I went to my parents house. On day one I was missing him, on day two my two kids were crying for their dad, on day three I met him back at the apartment, we packed up our stuff and I got pregnant with kid number three. We moved.

Best thing we ever did. I love my little town. I love my husband for always providing for us and taking care of us. For being strong and determined. For never giving up on me. We pushed through the bad stuff, the lean years, the crying babies, and the immaturity, because really that's what it is. Immaturity. I'm not talking about real domestic problems, abuse, infidelity. I'm talking about the boredom, the never ending day to day stuff. The why did I get married. Why isn't it as exciting as it was. Push through that young people, because then you get to the great stuff.

The trust. I can depend on my husband. I trust him completely. I know he is dependable, I know he will never leave me, and I know that when he tells me something, its the truth. Trust is some great stuff.

The companionship. He is my bud. My best friend. I can't wait to see him every day when he comes home at lunch because something funny, stupid, or important might have happened that morning and I get to tell him and he acts interested, I may have a new picture of our granddaughter. I will even go to dumb ole Home Depot with him because I like to be with him, and talk. Companionship that's some great stuff.

Romance. It's gets better then 18 year old teenager longing, believe me yes it does. Romance is some great stuff.

Jewelry. He can afford to give me more because I stuck around and helped him get through college so he could get a better job. Jewelry is some great stuff. :)

Shared memories. We have been through it. Highs, lows, every memory I have for the last thirty years has Earl in it somewhere and he remembers too. Something we can talk about, cry or smile over. Shared memorie is some great stuff.

Love. He loves me. I love him. Jamie told me the best advice anyone ever told him about marriage was to prefer one another. Earl told a young man once, that was about to get married, make her your very best friend, put her above everyone else. He does that to me. I do that to him. Ask the kids, it was me and him against three. We stuck together. That is the great stuff, young people when you are number one in someone's life and you know it, there is nothing you can't handle together. Stick in there and wait for the great stuff!

I may have to divorce him though, tonight he asked me if I wanted to move to Minnesota.

A funny thing happened on the way to the .....

Do you have that face? I have that face. The one where some people you meet think they know you, or you are related to someone they know or are you sure we haven't met before? I can't tell you how many times someone has said to me "I think we've met before." "Um no." " Are you sure, you look familiar, are you Jenny's  sister?" "No." " did you go to East Central High School?" "No." "Well I'm sure I know you from somewhere." I usually just say maybe and try to escape. I think I know everyone I know, puhleese.  But the best was several years ago when Justin was a baby, and there was still the little IGA store on the corner of Huntersville and Pearl.  I had a big blue Bonneville, a boat of a car my Uncle had given me and it was and always will be my favorite car. It was roomy and had some power. My dad called me lead foot as I took those curves on 229 going at the speed of light, anyway sidetracked. Thinking of that car just made me miss it. So one morning I had only Justin with me and I was putting him back in his car seat getting ready to leave, was bent over trying to get the car seat buckled( they were bad then- they are worse now I didn't even attempt Brooklyn's on Sunday, I let her Mom do it :) when suddenly I was pounded on the back, ouch- it hurt and I turned around ready to do damage to the person who dared hit me. It was a startled dark haired woman who immediately apoligised " I'm so sorry I thought you were Barb." So apparently even my back side looks familiar.

Worse then people not knowing if they know me or not, is people not knowing my name even after hearing it 453 times. We have lived in our house here for almost thirteen years and my older next door neighbor still calls me Debbie. She sends me invites with Debbie Rowland on it. When I broke my ankle she called me on the phone. "Debbie?" " no this is Diane." "Debbie?" "No this is Diane." "Is this Debbie?" "Yes," I finally said. " This is Debbie." The kicker not too long ago I was sitting on my backyard swing with my husband and my neighbor on the other side of me was on her deck. I heard "Hey Debbie" I didn't answer right away and again "Debbie Debbie!!"  I looked at my husband "Is she talking to me?" He said "Yep I think so." "Oh well!" I said "When they talk about me behind my back at least people won't know who the heck they are talking about!"

One thing we can know for sure is the God of the universe knows our name. He created us and loves us, and if no one down here on earth knows us, he does. For that I am thankful.

Isaiah 43:1 ESV 

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

Welcome Home Little One

My second grandchild came home on Friday. She spent 39 days in the NICU - 39 long days because there was a RSV restriction because of flu season and no one could see her but her parents- which is understandable but still made for a very long wait. Brooklyn is tiny- not yet 5 lbs when she came home but close, she was 2 lb 12 oz when she was born so almost 5 lbs is a wonderful jump. But still little. She is sweet. So very sweet and I don't think I really understood how sweet a grandchild is until I became a grandmother. You hear grandparents say that all the time but how can they be sweeter then your own? They can. And my daughter fought for Brooklyn- back at the hospital at 28 weeks she spent 5 weeks at the hospital- the whole time reliving the birth of David a year ago. But Jenna made it to 32 weeks this time- not 27 and Brooklyn was stronger. It was a nightmare for all of us, my daughter, son in law,  my husband and the rest of the family. December was spent in prayer, begging on my part that this time would be different - that she please not lose this baby like she lost her son. We celebrated the day of David's birth- December 12th with Jenna still in the hospital - missing him, hurting because I would have loved to see him as a one year old running around or crawling, I would have loved to have fed him cake. A year later it is still hard to understand but we made it a year. We can push on, still Jenna was in the hospital battling with preeclampsia again and on bed rest this time trying to get to 34 weeks so Brooklyn could be born with a fighting chance.  Then came Christmas Eve. She had been doing well so Earl and I were just lounging, Justin was gone to celebrate with his girlfriend and it was past six and we wanted ice cream. No place was open except the local drug store so Earl went to try and find us ice cream. The phone rang and it was Jenna "they want to deliver Brooklyn tonight." There was a loud ringing in my ears, fear was taking over, I was reliving it all again- I kept repeating What? What? and Jenna started crying. That snapped me back to reality- "We will be there it's going to be ok." Ben was already on his way so when Earl came up the stairs with the ice cream he took one look at my face and asked what is wrong. I lost it - for the last time that night, I was determined I would not cry in front of my daughter.  I can stand and be still and be strong in front of everyone but my husband. We called my brother and he came to stay with Mom and we left for the hospital. Thankfully we made it in time- there were three other babies born that night before they took Jenna back and at 10:39 pm my little namesake was born. Brooklyn Diane- she was 2 lb 12 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. I was so honored - it made me feel amazing that they loved me enough to give my name to my granddaughter. Jenna is my sweet daughter and I was also very thankful she was now out of danger too. We didn't get to see Brooklyn for over another hour so on Christmas Day 2012 I got to meet my granddaughter. Best. Christmas. Ever.

We came home, slept a few hours and went right back up to the hospital. Earl and I were very excited because they told us as grandparents we could come to the NICU and see Brooklyn whenever we wanted. The very next day they told us that RSV restriction would start on Friday. We only had one more day to see her.  "So much for grandparents rights!" Earl said. Dang.

So it was 39 days before I would get to hold her. I lived vicariously through pictures all of January and bombarded Jenna with a million questions every time she went to the hospital. " kiss her for me" I would say, " tell her MawMaw loves her,"

On Friday I got to tell her myself as I kissed her head, her fingers and toes. I held her and I cried of course. Because she is so sweet.

And I'm so thankful. God heard our prayer and the prayers of our many friends and family. I can never be thankful enough for everyone who prayed with us, who gave us comfort and I cannot get enough of Brooklyn. Last night I babysat for the first time. For 6 hours. She spent 5 hours 45 minutes in my arms, I let Earl have her for 15 minutes while I hovered over him.

I will forever miss my grandson David. Our hearts and arms will forever long for him. I believe he is there in heaven being loved by so many. Each  time I drop  kiss on Brooklyn's head I will remember him. Brooklyn is our little rainbow God sent to us after the storm.

And she is so sweet.

I finally know what all the other grandmothers have been trying to tell me.

There is nothing better than having a grandchild.

Isn't she sweet? :)

Dog Life

Today I just feel the need to post pictures of my beautiful boxers, Bella and Molly.

Enjoy

Bella

Molly looking at Bella and Mr. Coop

Bella being attentive, Molly saying, another picture?

Poor pitiful Molly, leaning on my leg because she has to wear a cone

My Beauty Bella

laughing Molly

I love them

Tired Bella

Those are my girls.

Happy day to you.

D.

Wonders

I am feeling sentimental. Holidays are coming. It's fall, remembering emotional things. Seven years ago my dad died on the 12th. Rough day. Very rough day, month, year. I wonder do we really ever get over losing someone? I'm thinking no. I still miss him, a lot. It gets easier but it never goes away. Maybe it's not suppose to. Those people that we lose, they touched our lives, maybe even shaped our lives, so how could we ever really lose them. I do wish my dad had met Ben, my daughter's husband. He would like him, and his sweater vests.

Jenna is having a baby in February. Another precious little love for me. I'm very excited about that. Though the little stinker wouldn't let us see its gender at the last ultrasound.



We got a new pup, Molly, who has grown like a weed. Another cool boxer.


My awesome husband bought me an iPad and I can blog on it, excited about that too. It makes the writing easier since I never am far from my IPAD.  It will be a fun winter, planning on doing some new crafts. I will try and blog those.

And November will be here soon enough and we must all VOTE!!!

See you soon blog readers. I've missed you!

Summer

What does summer mean to you? To me it's sun, and sea, and bar-b-ques and lightening bugs and camping trips and the lake, garden vegetables and sweet strawberries. It's an island in the middle of St. Mary's lake that my Dad used to take us to every weekend in the summers of my childhood. Where Mom had a cooler packed, and Dad grilled us hot dogs and himself a steak. My family on a pontoon boat, them fishing, me laying on the cushions reading, because I hated to fish, with the hot sun beating down on my back. The smell of sunscreen being rubbed on my shoulders. It's late nights running the neighborhood with my friends. It's cool sheets, and a breeze. It's sleeping on my grandma's porch in florida, listening to the croaking of frogs and crickets and other night noises. And later it's my kids running around outside til they couldn't see each other, but never wanting to come in. It's watching the ocean waves knock them over, them coming up sputtering and laughing. It's Disney World, Kings Island or Universal Studios. It's mosquito bites, sunburns and poison ivy, but it's mostly always good. Is it any wonder that summer is longed for and missed when gone?

It's a time of freedom and joy. Vacations, long weekends, fireworks. It's laughter. It's sweaty bodies cooled off in the pool. It's slumber parties and tents in the back yard. It's swaying on my swing. It's popsicles and Dairy Queen runs.

It's my favorite season of all.

Twenty eight years ago it was the birth of our firstborn. A lovely sunny day. I was hot and swollen, but the day was the most special day I'd ever experienced. A beautiful sweet tiny baby boy, born with a smile on his precious face.

Two years ago it was the wedding of our daughter, started off raining, but turned into a magnificent sunny day. A joyful day.

Summer to me also means love. First love, a mother's love. An old love, a strong love. I didn't meet my husband in the summer, I met him smack dab in the middle of winter, but that first summer with him was our turning point, when we knew this was it. Me & You baby. Forever. It was sitting on my parent's front porch dreaming of our future. Talking about what our lives were going to be like.  Twenty nine years later we still sit outside and talk about what our lives are going to be like. More of the same we say, more love, more children, more happiness. I pray. I hope. I dream.

That's the thing about summer, it makes all things possible. The gray of winter has passed. The promise of good things to come. This poem always comes to my mind:

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

We can't always have summer, but we can always look forward to it and know that eventually it will come. And even in the harsher seasons of our lives, God has gave us this, his promises of help and love.

May this be your summer to experience the bounties of his love.

What If .....

A year ago our daughter Jenna got pregnant. We found out in July. I remember that day so clearly. It was 5:30 in the morning, she called her dad to tell him and said "I can't get a hold of Mom!" He said, "It's 5:30 in the morning Jenna." but she then called my cell phone and groggily I answer, "You're going to be a grandma Mom!" I was wide awake then, joy bubbling up inside me like I'd never known. Of course, I cried, and then I proceeded to call or text everyone I knew. I was so overcome with excitement that I carried my phone into the bathroom with me and promptly dropped it in the toilet, I then had to resort to the home phone. I was overcome with immediate love for this new child.

I have a friend who is now expecting her first grandchild soon. She reminds me of me. On facebook every post is about her excitement, every thing she buys the new baby she posts a new picture of, every ultra sound, every thought. You can feel the love she has for this child and she's not even here yet. I want to caution her, WAIT - Slow down,  I think What if there's complications? What if something happens to the child? What if God forbid, she dies?

What if I hadn't been so excited? What if I hadn't posted every little thought? What if I hadn't posted a new picture of Jenna each week charting her growth? What if we hadn't all been there to hear every heartbeat? What if we hadn't had that gender reveal party? What if I hadn't been there that entire tough weekend, to lay on a lumpy cot and hear the monitoring of David's heart? Or hold my daughters hand when they said, we have to deliver? What if I hadn't been there the morning he was born? Or saw him for the first time? What if I hadn't got to sing to him? What if I hadn't got to kiss him? Hold him? What if we hadn't had six days? Would the devestation had been any easier when we lost him?

I was talking to my doctor the other day and I said to her,  "The next time Jenna gets pregnant I'm going to be more subdued. I'm not going to make such a big deal out of everything." She looked at me and shook her head. "No you're not, because that's who you are."

It stopped me in my tracks and I realized she was right. That is who I am. We had six months and six days of wonderful memories of David. Before he was born we loved him. And we will love him forever. 

I want to say to my friend, keep doing what you're doing.  You can't live worried about What if's because What if doesn't mean a thing. We have the day in which we live, make the most of it. We did with David. We will with any other grandchildren the Lord blesses us with.

And one day in heaven I believe David is going to look at me and say "Man that gender reveal party sure was fun MawMaw."