Gifty and I were at walmart when I checked my cell phone. It was the nursing home number. I went into the bathroom where I could maybe hear and listened as the detached voice on the phone told me my Mom was admitted to the hospital the night before. She was sick with a infection but she was stable. I was stunned. I was ten hours away and my son was getting married the next day. My husband was at the beach and I was almost hyperventilating. My daughter in law was waiting and as soon as I walked out of the bathroom she was concerned. "Are you ok Mom?" "Yes yes fine." I said not wanting to say anything until I knew what was wrong. We were there at walmart trying to find a topper for her wedding cake, picking up last minute essentials and just enjoying the fact that walmart is familiar no matter where you were. Now I was a nervous wreck.
I wanted Earl, but I didn't want to call him on the phone. I wanted him there in person where I could see his face and he could reassure me. I didn't want to call the nursing home until we were back at Jamie's house so I could concentrate on what they said and then have my nervous break down in private. We had some things to do, pick up her wedding dress and have lunch with my friend who was the Pastor's wife at Jamie's church.
Somehow we got through that morning and early afternoon. I had told Earl, and the kids and Patrick (jamie's best man who had arrived the night before from Missouri) that I wanted them home by three. We had to be at the church by 6 and with only one bathroom I wanted them to have plenty of time. So Gifty and I headed back to the house by two.
Earl's brother, sister in law and niece were delayed in atlanta- they didn't know if they could make it by the rehearsal dinner.
One wonderful thing about Earl is he is dependable, when he promised to be there by three I knew he would be back soon and that's the only thing that kept me from completely freaking out. I sat on Jamie's bed and dialed the nursing home. They were not reassuring, the lady I talked to didn't seem to know exactly what was wrong only that she was stable. I dialed the hospital and thankfully I finally found out it was just a bladder infection and Mom was stable and doing fine, though confused. Bladder infections are common they reassured me, because of the lack of communication from Mom the nursing home had decided the hospital was where she should be, and because I believe of the insurance they wanted to keep her there until she was well enough and I came home. But still I was nervous and worried and far from home and still lying back on the bed when Earl walked in, took one look at my face and wrapped me in his arms and there I cried finally. After a few minutes I was able to tell him what was wrong. "She's all alone." I cried and he looked at me and said "Do you want to go home?"
If I had said right then yes I want to go home, Earl would have packed everyone up and we would have left. I had no doubt he would do whatever I wanted, but I was sitting there letting all the guilt creep all over me. I felt guilty for leaving her at the nursing home, I felt guilty for not trying to bring her with us even though the trip would have been impossible for her, I felt guilty she was alone in the hospital. I felt so inadequate as a daughter at that moment, but I could hear my kids in the next room laughing and excited. Earl looked at me wiped the tears from my eyes. "This is not your fault." He told me. "Your Mom would not want you to miss your son's wedding. She would want you to enjoy yourself at your son's wedding. She would not want you worried." I knew he was right. But knowing it and feeling it are two different things, I just leaned into him and let him hold me. I had to get control of myself.
"The hospital said she's alright then?" He asked and I nodded, though I wasn't sure she was alright, would not be sure until I saw her. "What do you want to do honey?" He asked me still holding onto me, being my backbone like he always had been.
"I want to see our son get married." I whispered. He kissed the top of my head and said "Ok then. Let's get ready for the rehearsal and for the dinner. I'm starved!"
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