Mom

She lost her father at age 16 in a coal mining accident. She was the oldest daughter with 4 younger brothers and sisters and she told me she promised to take care of her little sisters while she sat there at the casket.  She did that. She raised everyone- even her mother at times- they lived with Mom. She married my Dad when she was 18- she told me she married him because she couldn't get rid of him,  but I never saw a love so strong as the one between my Mom and Dad.  He took care of her and she took care of him. She cooked every single day. We always came home to a hot meal. All holidays were at our house, with Mom cooking. The large family gathered there and she took care of them.  When she was 22 she had a tubal pregnancy and almost died. They took both tubes out and her hopes for children of her own were blown away. She said Dad never said a word. She always felt a little sad about not being able to give him his own blood child, but he didn't care. I have you, he would tell her, that is enough. When she was 29 and Dad 33 I was born to her brother- there were too many kids, and too little money and Mom said she went to see me one day and just brought me home and I became theirs. A few months later my birth parents agreed Mom and Dad could have me  and once I was older at age 6 I was adopted. They were all I knew and I was loved.  Mom loved her family, she didn't have a lot of friends other than family because family was her life. She said where she grew up was a lot of gossips and people who made up things, so she never went out of her way to make friends outside of her family.  Her sisters, her sister in laws, and me we were her girls. The ones she talked to - shared things with, advised.  She would listen to me for hours, just listen, let me jabber on and on about all things. She would give me advice, she would encourage me. And we would shop. Mom never drove a car, but once I got my license we became big time shoppers- :) When I went away to Germany with my husband, I called her constantly and got my phone cut off the bill was so huge. Then I wrote letters and came home twice. Once we moved back I saw her every day, until my husband got a job in another town an hour away and we had to move. I then would pack up the kids and go stay the weekend with her and Dad once or twice a month. And we talked on the phone, until once again my phone got cut off- :O) and I'd get it turned back on and it would get cut off again. Way before cell phones and free long distance.  I just couldn't stop talking once I got her on the line.  She is my very best friend.  When Dad got sick and they moved into the town where I lived, again I could see her every day.  Most of those two years were spent at doctors and hospitals, but I remember sitting there beside her at yet another hospital, worry etched on her face, but she would pat my hand, we'll figure this out. Once Dad passed away we both were lost. It was too hard on her, she couldn't believe we had lost him, it shouldn't have happened.  She was sadder than I'd ever seen her, and I couldn't cheer her up because I was sad too. She moved along a few years, getting through holidays, his first birthday without him, anniversaries, but it felt as if we were still in a mire, barely moving, the grieving would not leave us.  I tried to get her to have help, I tried talking to the doctors and see if they would prescribe her something, but she refused it all.  I tried to take something to help me- because I thought if I could be better I could get MOM better, but it made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't take it. So I prayed and made sure she got out of the house, and took her shopping and to church.  She got to where she didn't want to celebrate holidays and became upset when we tried to insist that she do it.   So we stopped insisting. The last time I took her to the doctor I was concerned about her memory loss, but Mom shrugged it off and the doctor pretty much did too.  That was in september of 2009.  Mom got to meet Jamie's and Jenna's fiances at Thanksgiving that year. The next day we were heading out early to go wedding dress shopping with my daughter. Mom told me thanksgiving day she just didn't feel like going, that she would pass.  When I called her that evening the next day, she asked me why I hadn't picked her up. "I said Mom, you told me not to, don't you remember?" "Oh yes, yes I do. Sorry, I was just kidding." But she wasn't and I was very concerned. On Sunday after church she wasn't feeling well, didn't want to go out and eat just wanted to go home.  So I took her home, I had two funerals the next day- a dear friends stepfather and father in law had passed away within two days, so I told Mom I wouldn't be over on Monday, but I would see her on Tuesday. "Call me if you need me Mom."  On tuesday morning I called early- no answer. I waited a few more minutes thinking maybe she was vacuuming or out checking the mail. Still no answer. I got in my van and drove over, I knew something was wrong, I felt it before I parked in the driveway and let myself in the house.  It was silent. The coffee pot was pulled out like she was getting ready to make coffee, her glasses were on the kitchen table.  I called out, "Mom!" no answer. I was never so scared to walk down that hall, physically I had to force myself put one leg in front of the other. I hesitated before peeking into her room, what would I see? Have a lost my Mom too? I did it, and she lay on the floor, arm caught in the bed frame and she was looking at me with wide eyes, but she couldn't speak. I rushed to her, got her arm untangled from the bed and called 911.  It was december 1st, last month of 2009. What more in this crazy year were we going to endure?