I was reading a blog written by a young mother who was with her three year old at JFK airport in New York and he was having a melt down, wouldn't listen, and so she spoke angrily to him in Hebrew thinking she was safe, that no one would understand her, until she met a friend of a friend at the baggage claim who asked if her son was ok now. It was a funny post. We have all had those Mommie Dearest moments when we briefly think of breaking out the coat hangers, even if we think we are going to be a mother who is reasonable at all times. A perfectly calm mother is a myth, or she's never had screaming toddlers in public. I remember several incidents from my kids childhoods.
My kids were perfect angels, all the time and I was the perfect calm mother. That's how I choose to remember it. But that is not an accurate portrayal. One such incident took place in church, and of course it involved, me, no coffee, no breakfast and one rambunctious little boy named Justin. It was a Sunday morning, and it was a special service. A baptism, a baby dedication, and no children's church. We were running late as normal that Sunday, so I only had time for the kids to scarf down some breakfast, get them dressed and rushed out the door. Earl was ushering so it was me and the kids in the pew, and the service dragged on. Justin was about four, and not liking having to sit still, so he started poking his sister. I moved him on the other side of me, he started kicking his feet against the pew hard, loudly. I touched his leg, but he resisted, so I was pushing his legs down with one hand, and he thought it was a game, so he pushed harder til he kicked the seat in front of him. "Stop it Justin." I bit through my clenched teeth. He tried to slide out of the pew, by now I was sweating from the effort to keep him in the pew and quiet. The service was meandering on, mostly quiet as our Pastor spoke about the scriptures and what dedicating a baby meant. Justin turned around in his pew and got on his knees and said hi to the people behind us. "Turn around Justin." He flopped back down in the pew, sighing, and then started head butting me in my arm. "Justin Lance." Still whispering furiously I tried to straighten him back up. I looked behind me trying to find his Dad, who was watching the service and not looking in my direction at all, probably on purpose. "That family, no I don't know them." Jamie tried to help, leaned over said to his brother, "You will get to see a baptism soon Justin. After the baby dedication. One day you will get baptised." "I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE BAPTISED!" Loud, heads turning. I pulled him onto my lap and he brought his head back hard against my mouth, making me see stars. That was it I had enough. I got up, carrying him, tripping over peoples feet trying to make it out the door without making a bigger scene. No such luck, he made his body limp, almost sliding out of my arms, so I had to drag him, all the while he's screaming "DON'T HIT ME MOMMY, DON'T HIT ME!!! I DON'T WANT A WHIPPING!" I heard a few chuckles, and the pastor from the altar saying "I don't think someone is going to spare the rod today."
I made it out the door and into the women's restroom, where Justin finally stopped screaming. He knew he was in trouble now, but I was almost in tears. My lip was busted, and I was so angry I didn't want to spank him. I sat down on the toilet and put my head in my hands. "What's wrong Mommy?" He asked me. "I just want you to act right in church Justin. It's only for a little while." "It's boring. I want to go to children's church." "Sometimes we have to act right, even when we don't want to. That's what God would want." "God wants me to go to children's church." "There is no children's church this morning Justin!" "Then I want to go home."I looked at this little boy, who was such a cute thing, and I stopped being mad. He was bored. So I resorted to the age old remedy, bribery. "If you're good I will take you to Mcdonald's after church." His face lit up. "But only if you're good." He was thinking about it. He cocked his head at me. "How long do I have to be good?"
Justin didn't get Mcdonalds that day. And I learned a lesson, take him to the nursery and let him play when there was no children's church.
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